I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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