Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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