did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
