absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
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Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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