Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
