Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
