Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
