My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
