I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
