It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
