the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
