you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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