can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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