I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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