May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
