Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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