My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
