They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
