Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
