New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
