I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
