i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
