and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
