at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
