I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
