my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
