Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
last night I used snow as a chaser
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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