Swine flu. Run for my life!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
