Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
