it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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