i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
