Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
