Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
