dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
