I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
