i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
