It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
