New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
