Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
