Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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