even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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