Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize