At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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