u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
