I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You've changed since you got that strap on
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
