I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
