There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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