i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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