How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
