He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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