when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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