He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
