we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
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Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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