I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
