I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
