oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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