good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
