Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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