This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
