Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i think im in europe. pls send help
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
