If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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