'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
