Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
