Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize