with your own penis?
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
