hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
