And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
