Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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