Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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