Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
