I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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