I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
