is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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